Half of the chromosomes in you
Come from me
Half of that is she
And the other half is he
I am the alchemical mix of the two
Unique in the world
Except in you

But at least you have another
Diluting the mix
Lessening the bad 
Providing the fix
In the gift that
I conjured

What did you inherit from me, my love?
Bad blood, but not all
Barbed wire fist
Clutching a snow white dove

You claimed your father’s green eyes
So my father’s stormy sea blue
Ice cold
Frozen over anew
Are lost after me

Like his name 
Which I rejected
The only choice I had 
A delusion of self-determination
I tried to 
Erase away the bad
But I cannot

Otherwise, you are my mirror image
A re-presentation
Of the child I was
Innocence regained
But painful because
I see now what was lost

Stumbles in the dark
An open door
And I appear 
Unmarked

But the scars are hidden
Hairline cracks
The memories rise 
Unbidden
And I pray
That the fear
Is not written 
In my DNA
Which is now 
Yours

Corrosive rage
He used me to 
Hurt her
A viper in a cage
Paint brush in his hand
Empty cans at his feet
He paints her as bloody meat
The shadows of his mind
Decorate the bare plaster walls

He was not much older than me now
When he died
And I wonder if his last gift to me
Will be
The same tumor on my brain
A dark spot
That will drain
Everything I have built

He is the black hole 
In my history 
And yours too
An unknowing 
A broken thread
But I promise you
My child
Even though we share his face
His skin, his hair
His creativity 
which we both embrace

You do not 
Remind me of him